The Dark Side

Two weeks ago I participated in a different kind of Hash, the "Dark Side Hash." The Dark Side Hash is more or less a glorified pub crawl or rather pub run. Like the regular hash, there is a trail complete with marks, but instead of blazing through the jungle, the Dark Side Hash blazes through the brightly lit streets of Tumon, Hagatna, or Tumuning stopping at some of Guam's finest beverage establishments to partake in carefully brewed libations.

Actually, the Dark Side Hash targets bars that we would normally never think entering. Instead of running into the regular places we visited karaoke bars, "buy-me-drinkie" bars, and the worst possible dives you could imagine. It was... different. We practically reenacted the blitzkrieg of Poland as we rampaged through the sleepy bars and shady back alley beer joints. The look on the regulars as thirty sweating rowdy and thirsty people burst through the doors utterly shattering the veneer of solace and peace they were accustomed to was priceless. We boldly took control of the bars, demanded the mike for karaoke (every single bar on Guam has karaoke), sang annoying songs badly and eagerly devoured any and all pretzels, peanuts, or snacks that were available. One bar refused to give us the mike, so one hasher jumped on the tiny stage and belted out "Baby got back" in its entirity from memory.

On one occasion, we entered a back alley bar that is most likely a front for a bordello. The proprietor was so shocked at our sudden and loud entrance, she stood mouth to the floor in a catatonic state for at least five minutes, completely unable to take even a beer order. As quickly and suddenly as we entered, we would run into the night to the next destination leaving in our wake shock and disbelief. Even as we ran though the streets, dodging groups of people and cars, the hords of Japanese tourists would stop, stare and point in disbelief, perhaps furthering their stereotype of Amerians as loud and obnocious crazy barbarians. USA! USA! USA! Fun was had by all, but for me the reaction we caused was unforgettable.