The Berserk Hash

Well dear reader, as I mentioned before, I am currently without the use of a camera. For this installment you will have to endure writing sans pictures. But even if I did have a camera, I would not have been able to take it with me on my most recent adventure. Many of my previous posts have been about some of my hashing adventures, but none so far are as epic and remarkable as the one you are about to read. This post is about my first “Berserk Hash.”

The Berserk Hash originated years ago thanks to a slightly crazed and salty Vietnam vet affectionately called “Berserk.” Berserk has lived on Guam for many years and is one of the few that remembers the inaugural Guam hash that began on June 21, 1981. Over the years Berserk developed a taste for setting extraordinarily long and difficult runs. With blatant disregard for safety and exhaustion, Berserk set trails that tested the limits and finally the patience of all of Guam’s hashers. Berserk set trails that sometimes took up to nine hours to complete and most were not able to finish them at all. Berserk not only became a living legend of hashing, but for the safety and sanity of all involved he was eventually banned from setting trails altogether. After a lengthy cooling off period, a compromise was reached; Berserk could set his own “Berserk Hash” on occasional Sundays and would only be allowed to set one regular Saturday hash trail per year. The day chosen for Berserk was the Saturday closest to June 21, the longest Saturday of the year.

Unlike North America, the length of the day on Guam (much closer to the equator) does not fluctuate very much during the seasons. While in June, the longest day of the year lasts thirteen hours, the shortest day of the year in December is only two hours shorter at eleven hours. Guam does not practice daylight savings time.

Over the last ten weeks or so, I have been on some difficult hashes. In one particular hash three weeks ago, several people got lost. Despite the length and difficulty, I managed to make it in before dark. After several hours of darkness veteran hashers were sent out and successfully found many of the dozen or so lost hashers. One guy was found up a tree, holding his glowing cell phone aloft and yelling for help. Another guy was not found at all and ended up spending the night in the jungle. The remarkable thing is that most of the lost hashers, including the guy that spent the night in the jungle are in the military!

After the easiest hash ever last week, I began to develop a false sense of security and frankly arrogance. I can handle any hash now, I thought. I should have known better. Despite my self deception and conceit, I was still wary of attempting a Berserk hash. I had heard and taken heed of the horror stories and warnings and while I was confidant I was physically up to the challenge, I was uncertain that I wanted to subject myself to such torture. Over the next week my coworker and hash guru James launched an effective psychological offensive, attempting to convince me to go on the Berserk. It worked.

At two pm on June 21, 2008 I gathered with the other brave hashers to begin the Berserk. While most hashes have around forty to fifty sometimes sixty hashers, our group only numbered fourteen. We had all been drinking copious amounts of water since Friday in preparation and packed water, food, flashlights, and cell phones (in waterproof bags) for the journey. The run began on the East side of the Island at Pago Bay on the Pacific. Before it began, Berserk recalled the first hash on Guam, “It all began here at Pago Bay twenty seven years ago.” Berserk then turned and ran into the jungle, his maniacal laughter echoed in his wake. He asked for twenty minutes head start but we gave him only fifteen before we began the trail.

The trail started out normally enough. Beginning in a single tight packed group, we ran into the jungle and swam across a large brackish saltwater estuary then we began a short climb. The trail then descended into a river valley and followed the river for some time before we began to recognize the trail from a previous hash. We were on the exact same trail that we had run on the Cinco de Mayo run back in May. In fact, the guy who had set the trail that day was with us. The trail was almost completely in a river teeming with mosquitoes. I remember hating it back in May and I hadn’t grown to like it any more in June. In one deep area of the river, I smashed my left shin against a submerged tree. The pain was excruciating but it was only the beginning.

J.J., the hasher who had set the trail back in May, suggested we take a shortcut up an off-road trail parallel to the river. About half the group and I took his suggestion and left the river trail for the road. After a mile or so, it was clear that the shortcut was anything but. We emerged in a junk yard and then into a village, Chalan Pago. We got on to a main road and ran about two miles back towards a bridge over the river where the May trail had ended and we found the trail again. Although everyone in our group of four thought differently, I was certain that we were far behind everyone else. By this point, I had consumed half my water. We were only at most a fourth of the way through.

The trail continued up the river. We were all thoroughly sick of the river. For hours we had been wet, the rocks were slippery and we were all starting to get very tired. We began to slip and fall more often. Our pace slowed. Mile after mile the trail continued up the river and the sun began to fade into the horizon. After an interminable period of time, the trail climbed out of the river and up onto a steep grass-covered ridge. After an exhausting climb, we reached the pinnacle and collapsed in a heap. We took a break to eat some food and catch our breath. As we continued on, the trail weaved over the grassy ridge and then suddenly, much to our disgust, descended back into the same river valley. While we paused to curse Berserk and his reckless trail, we evaluated our options. Unfortunately the ridge we were on was inaccessible to any roads, to get out we would have to follow the trail back down to the river and up the ridge on the other side. The sun was gone, leaving perhaps only twenty to thirty minutes of diminishing light, but we soldiered on nevertheless. By now, my legs were weak, rubbery and beset with cramps but since I was almost out of water, I couldn’t drink very much.

As we clamored down the steep descent, we re-entered the jungle and plunged into almost total darkness. We paused to take out our flashlights and slowly continued. As we neared the river, I slipped on a rock and fell head over heels, tumbling onto several sharp rocks. As I landed on my rear, pain shot through my body and I shrieked in agony. Before my brain could determine which bone I had broken, the rear leg muscles in both legs (I believe the biceps femoris) began convulsing in excruciating cramps. New shrieks and curses spewed from my mouth in rapid succession. The group came to an abrupt halt to investigate my predicament. After a few moments, I was able to gather myself and struggle to my feet. “I think I broke my ass,” I said. “You all will have to carry me out,” I kidded. After a brief laugh, we continued on.

The trail ventured back into the river. About a month ago I bought new shoes specifically for hashing. The New Balance shoes were lightweight all terrain running shoes that were on sale. After wearing them four times, I realized that they were woefully inadequate for hashing. Although the light weight, thin sole and mesh material was nice when wet and dried quickly, it did not provide any protection whatsoever to my feet. After hours of walking on sharp rocks, my feet had gone from numb to steadily throbbing in pain.

The trail finally exited the river for the last time and began to go straight up the grassy ridge. I finally ran out of water climbing the ridge. On all fours climbing up the ridge, I was experiencing new levels of fatigue I had never before known. As I was climbing on my hands and knees through the pitch black seven feet tall grass, one hand grasping a flashlight, I slammed the side of my face into a tree. I fell backwards momentarily stunned. I felt as if I had been punched in the face when it began to dawn on me; I did this on my own free will. All the warnings were correct this is unimaginably hard and painful. Why on earth did I choose to do this?

After we reached the top, it was night and we could not find the trail marks. After a brief search we located the trail which thankfully followed an off-road vehicle trail towards Nimitz Hill. Thinking we were home free, we began chatting, but the road continued on an on. I noticed that a piece of my left shoe had begun to fall off. I reached down to yank it off and half of the bottom of my shoe came with it. I had only worn my new shoes five times. After nearly two hours we came across Dave, another hasher who we hadn’t seen since our “shortcut.” He was surprised and relieved to see us. Apparently Dave, who had been with the other group, became so exhausted that he just laid down and fell asleep on the trail. He woke up right before a 4x4 truck was about to run over him.

Eventually we made it up to Nimitz Hill and walked past a water tank. “Water!” I yelled. Much to our dismay, however, the tank was surrounded by a barbed wire fence. While we pondered our options, Dave scrambled over the fence, through the barbed wire, and turned on a valve. A powerful blast of water shot through the fence. We greedily drank and refilled our camel-backs with water. We continued down a paved road and attempted to call James. It was 9:15. After walking another half hour, James called back only to tell us that we had passed the on-home (finish) about a mile and a half ago. After a collective groan, we turned around and walked back finally reaching the finish. We were the last ones in. It had taken us over seven hours. During the campfire I was given the honor of an official hash name: Overdue Goo.

Today, as I write this my entire body is sore. My shin has swollen to nearly twice its normal size. There are bruises and cuts all over my body, even the bottom of my feet are bruised and I will probably have a black eye. Despite the exhaustion and pain, the Berserk Hash is not something I will soon forget. So, will I try another Berserk hash? Perhaps, but once a year might be too often for me.