Tennessee Highways

I was suddenly interrupted from my computer coma this afternoon by Anita, one of the AMMA (Arizona Memorial Museum Association) employees that manage the bookstore. For several days I have been completely immersed in the thirtieth anniversary program, barely able to look up from my ancient government computer for hours at a time. This has presented some difficulty, as part of my job also includes providing orientation to visitors. Lucky for me there are painfully few visitors to the visitor center and AMMA staff are sometimes willing to greet those few so I can get some project work done. So it was a surprise when Anita barged into the museum curatorial crypt and motioned for me to leave my small table top “desk” and follow her out into the light.

I was pleasantly surprised to greet an older couple from my home state of Tennessee. This was the first time I have met fellow Tennesseans here on Guam. They were visiting from Knoxville and had lived on Guam for over a decade many years ago while working for the government (like me). It had been nearly twenty years since they had been back to Guam. They asked me a lot of questions, many were typical: “How long have you been here? Do they transfer you anywhere or do you get to choose? Do you like living here?” But then they caught me off guard with “What do you miss about Tennessee?”

I paused for a moment. I left Tennessee in August last year, so over the past eleven months I have consciously thought about some of the things I haven’t experienced in a good while. And to be honest I do miss Tennessee surprisingly more than I anticipated. I miss spring, where one day it can be hot and breezy but the next cold and rainy. I miss the unambiguous change of seasons that help determine the progress of the year and allow me to appreciate the cold, hot, wet, and dry. And somehow like them all.

But after thinking I answered, “I miss fall. You know, the colors. Nothing beats the Smoky’s in the fall.” I was referring to the Great Smoky Mountain National Park (www.nps.gov/grsm) located in the beautiful Appalachian Mountains of East Tennessee and the transcendental majesty of the fall colors that appear every year, but I also was thinking of going back to school, college football, the relief from Tennessee’s oppressive summer heat, and countless fleeting memories of growing up.

The couple agreed enthusiastically, completely understanding not only the beauty of the Smoky’s but somehow more. Talking with these folks, I suddenly I felt taken away from Guam and if only for a brief moment back home. They asked if I had ever thought about working at the Great Smoky Mountain National Park but then took the conversation on a completely different trajectory.

“I bet you miss the roads!” the old man said. Growing more passionate he continued, “I’ve been all over the world, but Tennessee has the best roads anywhere.” I was caught off guard for a second by quickly recovered. At first, swept up in my sentimental journey, I agreed with enthusiasm. I nearly shouted, “Tennessee’s got the best roads, hands down!” A wave of pride swept through me as I recalled how Tennessee’s roads are the most smooth, straight, and well-built roads in the nation. The roads are so smooth, that I can’t even count how many times that I have fallen asleep at the wheel and woken up thinking I was in bed at home. I mean these roads are the greatest roads mankind has ever created. The Ancient Romans would weep at the sight and engineering brilliance of Interstate 40. Tennessee’s roads deserve a place among the Seven Wonders of the World! GO T-DOT! WHEE-WHO!! (Tennessee Department of Transportation). After our spirited approval of Tennessee's roads, I bid my new friends an affectionate farewell and went back to my office.

Unable to go right back to work, I pondered the encounter. Why did they bring up the roads? It was kind of weird. Does Tennessee really have nothing else to offer except smooth sexy roads? I began to recall the nightmare of Nashville traffic, the constant, inconvenient and ubiquitous road construction across the state, the lackluster driving ability of most of Tennessee’s citizenry, unusually high driving fatalities, and finally the omnipresence of Tennessee’s state troopers. My pride began to wane.

My positive memory of Tennessee’s roads probably has something to do with the horrid state of Guam’s road (yes, I said road). Guam essentailly has only one major road and it is the worst road that can ever be imagined. Giant holes, huge bumps, open manholes, and worse abound. In one of the worst examples, erosion is threatening to wash away an entire section of the highway. Instead of fixing the problem, the highway repair agency has merely barricaded off the washed out lane of traffic, somehow hoping that nature will cease and the erosion will somehow not continue to wash the entire road away. There are bridges that are so old and dilapidated along a major road that only one care is allowed to drive through at a time yet there are no plans to build new ones.

The government of Guam is totally dysfunctional, I thought. Gov Guam is a lot different than Tennessee. Or is it? Tennessee spends billions a year on roads, but why? Just like Guam, Tennessee spends its money as directed by a very elite and connected group of people – people that own road construction firms. It seems that there is always money for roads, but not much else. I remembered an old Tennessee aphorism, “Tennessee has the best roads, leading to the worst schools.”

There are some things I don’t miss about Tennessee.

But seriously, Tennessee has got some kick ass roads.